Zašto?

Rano je nedjeljno jutro. Sjedim u svojoj omiljenoj stolici i razmišljam dok pijem čaj. Mislim o svemu što imam za napraviti danas, dok mi se jedno pitanje uporno vrti po glavi: "Zašto?" "Zašto se mame srame tražiti pomoć u odgoju djece?" Otvaram laptop i odlučim sve napisati onako kako jeste, bez ikakvog uljepšavanja, samo onako kako jeste!

Napravila sam svoj dio grešaka u odgoju djece i imam žaljenja. Postoje određene stvari koje bih željela da nisam napravila, a ima I stvari koje bih voljela da jesam. Možda možete nešto naučiti iz mojih 7 savjeta kako ne biste napravili iste pogreške:

1. Majka si, a to znači da si superžena! 

Možeš raditi više stvari istovremeno otvoriti boce jednom rukom, poslužiti se hranom i jesti s djetetom na kuku. Sortirati, prati i složiti veš dok kuhaš i hraniš dijete. Možeš kuhati tri obroka istovremeno i hraniti psa u isto vrijeme. Odgovarati na telefon, otvoriti vrata i slati poruke dok uspavljuješ bebu...

Trebaš biti diplomirani pedagog, psiholog, pedijatar i imati položenu prvu pomoć, a to sve pored talenata kao što su pregovaračke vještine, diplomacija, taktičnost i stanje perpetualne veselosti, uzbuđenja, tolerancije i strpljenja. Znam kako je, jer sam sve i sama to radila, školovala djecu doma dok sam pokretala vlastiti posao i pisala knjigu, podizala sama djecu i zarađivala. Trudna i bolesna (jutarnjim mučninama većinu dana) sam trčala za mojom hiperaktivnom djecom.

2. Majka si i trebaš se pobrinuti za sebe. 

Ako ne odvojiš taj trenutak za sebe, nećeš dugo opstati. Ako ne jedeš I ne istuširaš se na vrijeme, osjećat ćeš se razdražljivom. Spavanje nije precijenjeno, već nužnost za mame (nećeš tada zaboravljati toliko mnogo stvari ako se dobro odmoriš). Vrijeme bez djece je neophodno (mada se pobrinite da onaj tko preuzme djecu tijekom vašeg odmora zna što se očekuje od njega/nje). Najbolje je, ako si to možete priuštiti, uzeti jedan sat dnevno, te pola dana (cijeli dan bi bio bolje) barem jednom tjedno. Ako si to ne možete priuštiti, čak i jedan sat dnevno pomaže puno. Ali, molim vas, pobrinite se da djeca ne ostanu bez nadzora tijekom tog vremena. 

Druženje s prijateljima, odlazak u kino, ili samo odlazak na kavu su nužnost (opet, u onom vremenu dok je netko od povjerenja s djecom). Imala sam tu sreću da sam imala vrlo dobre prijatelje koji su se brinuli o mojoj djeci dok sam ja imala slobodan dan, a onda bismo se zamjenili, ja bih se brinula o njihovoj djeci dok su oni imali slobodan dan. Vjerovali ili ne, uglavnom sam prespavala cijeli dan. Valjda mi je trebao san!  

3. Tražite pomoć, ne trebate prolziti kroz sve ovo sami. 

Ni jedna mama nije otok! Ja sam stalno pitala iskusne mame za savjete. Ponekad bih se osjećala neugodno, a ponekad i glupo što ih stalno propitujem, tražim savjete, ali znala sam da bi mi učenje od njih pomoglo da steknem prijeko potrebno samopouzdanje u moje vještine roditeljstva. Pomislila sam, ako one mogu podići 5, 6 ili više djece, moraju znati ponešto.  

4. Ako vaše dijete ima izazove, to nije loš odraz na vas! 

Borila sam se sa svojim ADHD sinom tako dugo dok nisam sama sebi priznala da ima 'izazov u razvoju', a onda sam krenula u potragu za odgovorima. Njegova nastojanja sa čitanjem su izazvala neizmjerne frustracije, dok nisam otkrila da je disleksičan. Kćer ima poremećaj obrade informacija. Znate li kako sam to saznala? Tako je, istraživanje, istraživanje, istraživanje! Gladno sam, proždirala svaku knjigu koje sam se mogla dokopati dok nisam doznala što je, a zatim još knjiga kako bih naučila kako se nositi s tim izazovom i naučiti ju kako da pretvori taj izazov u svoju snagu. Najteži je bio prvi korak, priznati da im nešto blokira napredak (ponekad sam čak i tiho brinula da nisu dovoljno pametni, ali ne usuđujući se izgovoriti to naglas). Postoji sloboda u priznanju i u potrazi za rješenjima.

5. Ako nešto ne radite kako treba u svom roditeljstvu, ne znači da ste promašaj! 

Zapravo, to samo znači da niste savršeni i da imate što naučiti. Šokantno, zar ne? Znam da sam se užasnula kad sam izgubila živce i vikala na djecu, ili kad bih na ulici dobila "upute" od potpunog stranca o tome što radim pogrešno s mojom djecom. Osjećala sam se bijedno kad sam vidjela "savršene male anđele" djece moje prijateljice, dok je moj sin trčao kao bez glave.

6. Ako vam dijete zadaje izazove svojim ponašanjem, nemojte to zanemariti, učinite nešto! 

Svi trebamo pomoć, ima toliko mnogo stvari koje ne znamo I koje trebamo naučiti. Nemojte učiti iz svojih grešaka, učite iz grešaka drugih. Neke mame su mi rekle da će skužiti stvari kako vrijeme ide, ali čini mi se da ne shvataju da izgubljeno vrijeme nikada neće moći vratiti, pogreške koje napravimo ne mogu se vratiti. Naučite dok možete! Djeca rastu prebrzo za nas da učimo u hodu! Voljela bih da mogu okrenuti sat, vratiti se i poništiti neke stvari, ali ne mogu! Ono što je učinjeno je učinjeno, sada je kasno kada su već odrasli.  

7. Niste savršeni i ne možete sve napraviti!

Ili možda možete ali na kratko vrijeme prije nego što izgorite i/ili se razbolite. Rano u mom roditeljstvu odlučila sam da imam dvije ruke i dvije noge, dan ima 24 sata i samo se toliko može učiniti. Pošto stavljam veliki naglasak na obrazovanje, kreativnost i učenje za moju djecu, za mene je bilo važnije napraviti projekte, eksperimente, čitati knjige nego pranje suđa i peglanje veša. Dok su mala djeca su fleksibilna i lako ih se može podučavati u tim godinama, ali to vrlo brzo prođe, upotrijebite vrijeme do maximuma. Vjerujte mi, ne možete stići sve, ali možete sebi odrediti prioritete!

Majka sam već 23 godine, majka sam 5 djece i radim s djecom već 25 godina. Moja glavna želja je pomoći ostalim mamama, potaknuti ih, pokazati im put, isto kao što su meni drugi pomogli kad mi je trebala pomoć i savjet, želim izbaciti bol iz roditeljstva i pomoći vam da naučite iz mojih grešaka. Volim djecu i volim podučavati, znam da roditeljstvo ne treba biti teško (ima svoje teške trenutke, ali ovdje govorim općenito). Više o tome možete vidjeti na: https://sandrasacademy.thinkific.com

Imate li vi kojih drugih savjeta koje biste željeli podijeliti sa nama? Javite nam se u komentarima ispod. Ako ste uživali u ovom post-u, bila bih vam jako zahvalna ako biste pomogli drugima da čuju više o ovoj temi, slanjem prijateljima, ili da ga podijelite na Twitter-u ili Facebook-u, imamo i grupu na FB pridužite nam se na My Happy Baby. Hvala!

How can asking for help make your life easier

It is early Sunday morning. I sit in my favorite chair and thoughtfully sip my tea (chai). Thoughts of all that needs to be done today swirl in my head, but one question persistently keeps popping up, "Why? Why do moms shy away from the help they can get?" I crack open my laptop and decide to tell it as it is, no beautifying anything, just saying it as it is!

I have made my share of mistakes and I do have regrets. There are certain things I wish I hadn't done and others I wish I had. Here are my top 7 tips for you not to make the same mistakes:

1. You are a mother and that means, you are superhuman!
You can multitask, open bottles with one hand, serve yourself food and eat with a baby on your hip. Sort, wash, and fold laundry while cooking and feeding the baby. You can cook three meals at once and feed the dog at the same time. You answer the phone, the door and messages while putting the baby to sleep, and doing dishes...

You need to have pedagogy, psychology, pediatrics, and first aid degrees, besides the talents such as negotiating skills, diplomacy, tactfulness and a state of permanent joy, excitement, tolerance and patience. I know, I've done it all, homeschooling while starting a business, and writing a book, raising kids on my own and earning an income. Pregnant and sick most of the day while running around after my hyperactive children. 

2. You are a mother and you need to take care of yourself.
If you don't take the time for that moment to yourself, you won't last much longer. If you don't eat and shower you will feel easily agitated and grumpy. Sleep is not overrated, but a necessity for a mom (you will not be forgetting so many things if you get proper rest). Time away from the kids is a must (make sure whoever takes over during your time off knows what is expected of him/her). The best suggestion is, if you can afford it, one hour daily and half to a full day weekly. If you can't afford it, even one hour daily helps a lot. But, please, make sure the kids are not left unattended during that time. Hanging out with friends, going to the movie theater, or just going out for a coffee are necessities (again, in your times off and while someone trustworthy is with the children). I know I needed time off, I had good fortune of very good friends that took care of my kids while I took a day off and then we would switch, with me taking care of their kids while they had a day off. Believe it or not, I mostly slept through the entire day. I guess, I needed it!

3. You need to ask for help, you are not meant to do this alone. No mom is an island! I have asked seasoned veteran moms advice all the time. Sometimes I would feel so embarrassed and sometimes so stupid for asking and bugging them, but I knew that learning from them would give me much needed advice and I'd gain confidence in my parenting skills. I figured, if they could raise 5, 6 or more kids they must know a thing or two.

4. If your child has disabilities, it is not a bad reflection of you!
I have struggled with my ADHD son for so long till I admitted to myself that he has some 'issue', and then I went on a hunt for the answers. He struggled to read (and caused me immeasurable frustration) till I found out that he is dyslexic. My daughter has information processing disorder. Do you know how I found out? Yes, research, research, research! I have been hungrily devouring book upon a book till I found out what it is and then more books to learn how to deal with it and teach her how to make it into her strength. The hardest was the step to admitting to myself that there is something blocking the progress (sometimes even worrying silently that they are not smart enough, but not daring to say it out loud). There is a freedom in admitting and going about looking for solutions. 

5. If you are doing something wrong in your parenting, doesn't mean you are a failure!

Actually, all it means is that you are not perfect and that you have things to learn. Shocking, isn't it? 

I know I felt horrible when I lost my temper and yelled at the kids, or when I would get an "instruction" from a total stranger on the street of what I was doing wrong with my kids. I felt miserable when I saw my friend's kids being "perfect little angels" while my son ran wildly about. 

6. If your child is a handful, don't ignore it, do something about it!

We all need help, there are so many things we don't know and need to learn. Don't learn from your mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others. Some moms told me they would figure it out as they go, they don't seem to realize the time wasted will never come back again, the mistakes made will not be unmade. Learn and teach them while you can! They grow up way too fast for us to learn as we go! I wish I could turn the clock and go back and undo some things, but I can't! What is done is done, now that they are all grown up.

7. You are not perfect and you cannot do it all! 

Or maybe you can for a short time before you burn out and get sick.

Early on in my parenting I decided I have two hands and two feet, the day has 24 hours and there is only so much that can be done. I put large emphasis on education, creativity, and learning for my kids, so, for me, it was more important to do projects, experiments, reading than dishes and laundry. They are malleable, and easy to teach just for so long, use it to the uttermost. Trust me, you cannot do it all, but you can prioritize!

I have been a mother for 23 years, I am a mother of 5 and have worked with kids for about 25 years now. My main desire is to help other moms, encourage, show the way, the same as I was shown when I needed help and advice, take the sting out of parenting and help you learn from my mistakes and regrets I have. I love children and I love teaching, and I know parenting doesn't need to be tough and difficult (it has its shares of tough moments, I am talking here in general). More on this you can see at: https://sandrasacademy.thinkific.com

Do you have any comments you'd like to share? Let us know in the comments section below. If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help to spread it by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook, join our FB group My Happy Baby. Thank you!