Are You Sabotaging Your Child's Feeling of Self-worth?

Should you require kids to do household chores? How old should they be before you ask them to help around the house? What will they learn if they start helping early? Will I burn them out if they start helping now? What about play time and just being kids?

Here is a kicker: kids WANT to feel useful, productive, and helpful. But how do you help them feel that way?

Work and chores help them learn, help them develop properly, and when praised for a job well done they end up feeling accomplished and dependable. They begin to feel like valuable members of the family who contribute to the orderliness and cleanliness of the home you all share.

It enriches their thinking powers, enhances moral values, increases their self-direction, and makes them more efficient planners and problem solvers. A busy child is a happy, better behaved child.

This is one way to give them a head start in life. Work builds character and it gives you something you two (or three, or more depending on how many kids you have) can share. Learning the value of work is part of growing up into a responsible, dependable adult which builds a child's self-worth.  

Practical tips:

Start early. You should start as early as one year old, encouraging the child to help you pick his/her toys up when he/she is done playing and put them in a box. Use abundant encouragement and praise for the job done.

Use age appropriate tasks. Don't overwhelm the child with jobs beyond their ability level. Start small with personal hygiene (washing hands, washing feet, brushing teeth), and putting away her/his toys, jacket and shoes, then build on it with safe and simple jobs like setting the table (with the unbreakables!), dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. As the child gets older add more demanding jobs, again, appropriate to his age.

Time consuming. You might feel it'd be easier and faster at this point in time for you to do it all by yourself, but think long term. Think your child's feeling that she/he contributed to the family's neat and orderly home. Think of how accomplished she/he'd feel after it is all nice and clean and she/he had helped to make it so.

Make expected clean ups possible for a child. Lower the boxes she/he needs to put her/his toys in and don't try to sort the toys. It is far easier to dump all the toys in one box than it is to line them up on a shelf. Bring the coat hanger to her/his level so she/he can hang her/his own coat, leave her/his toothbrush and toothpaste on a level where she/he can reach them easily, buy a small stool that he/she can use to reach for things, etc. 

Be positive! Be positive about chores and household work and clean ups. If you grumble, they'll grumble and not be happy about having to do it either.

Make it fun! Make doing chores fun. Give them fun, cute names. Play as many games as you can with them, make up songs to go along with the job.

Be patient. Teaching children chores is a process that isn't accomplished in a day. But also keep in mind all the good things you're teaching them for life. 

Work alongside them. First step is explaining and showing them the job. The next one is doing it alongside them for a while, and then allowing them to do it themselves with your supervision. Finally, allow them to do it on their own even while you are not around. If the child prefers to do the chore with you, you should try and do it together for as long as possible. My twin boys have been doing all their chores together from day one. They prefer to work as a team as it gives them a sense of teamwork and makes them feel like they are not alone in it.

Never EVER fix it in front of her/him. If for some reason the child did the job poorly, show her/him the right way to do it again. If she/he still cannot do it right, do it with her/him to help her/him. If she/he still cannot get it done right, then you should consider coming back to that particular job later when she/he is older. But whatever the case, never fix it in front of her/him! It hits her/him where it hurts most: their self-esteem. 

Never EVER tell him “Here, let me do it!” and do it for her/him. That teaches her/him "Mom (or dad) does it better, I shouldn't even try."

Write it, or tell it? Depending on your child's learning style and information processing method, give either verbal (for auditory kids) instruction (limit to maximum two things at a time or they will forget it. Children’s minds are busy dreaming and creating. They can't keep track of all the assignments), or written (for older kids. Again, limit it to two or three assignments, not more so as not to overwhelm them), and if they're younger you can draw the assignments. Make them clear with simple instructions. Insist on doing the jobs right.

Working in a team. If they prefer to work with others, allow them. Everything is more fun in a team.

Please? Thank you! Ask for chores with a please and thank him/her for finishing it even if it is a regular everyday job. Praise them for a job well done. You can never give too much praise!

Know when to stop. Stop work while it's fun. Take a cue from TV series and books; cliffhangers are effective!

Same old, lame old. Switch chores often so he/she doesn't get bored.

Focus on the NOW! Avoid using words such as never, always, etc when asking the child to do chores, or referring to chores not done. It is very defeating and it doesn't help!

Be understanding of the other obligations in an older child's life. Have understanding if he/she feels overwhelmed at certain more stressful times in her/his life, such as sports events, recitals, exams, etc.

Comparing! Never EVER compare one child to another child even his/her sibling.

Portion it! Break the job into small manageable portions if it seems overwhelming to him/her and difficult to manage at first.

Most of all, have fun and allow yourself to be goofy at times, as well. Prioritize, involve them, create a warm, inviting home for them. 

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