Random Remembrances on Parenting, Pregnancy, Children and What Influences Them

This is the birthday season in our home. All of my kids were born between the late February and mid-April. Fun, ha? I couldn't have planned it better myself. We start with the youngest kids' birthdays, then my middle son, then my only daughter and finally my oldest son. The exact opposite of their birth order! It's something I've been thankful for as it is always easier to explain to the oldest why he needs to wait for his birthday to be in the center of attention and it is so easy to say to the next oldest, “Hey, your birthday is coming up next! What do you want for your birthday?” Sometimes I feel like I am cheating!

Well, on our kids birthdays we like to reminisce and sort of tell cute, funny stories of their birth, babyhood, etc. It really makes me look back and relive all of it. I've been going over all my pregnancies in my head and one amazingly obvious point struck me! The state I was in when pregnant affected each child in a very deep and profound way both emotionally and physically.

My oldest was born when I was young and full of energy, running around and hardly even noticing the baby bump. He is hyperactive and a picky eater (just like I was with my 'morning' sickness that stretched throughout the whole day and sometimes throughout the night as well).

With my daughter I carelessly ate lots and lots of sweets-she has chronically altered food cravings, commonly known as a sweet tooth! At five months pregnant I almost lost her by overdoing it with my then toddler and carrying heavy things up and down the stairs all the time. I then stopped all activities, got a helper around the house, and did everything in my power to keep the pregnancy and the baby healthy to full term. I believe we developed a special bond during that time so that now we are very close.

The third pregnancy was riddled with challenges; placenta previa, early contractions, full bed rest. Even the birth was traumatic for him. Although he was my calmest and easiest baby, he was always very fretful and insecure, just like I felt when I had to go from doctor's office to doctor's office for all the different check ups and consultations. I had problems with sicknesses in the presence of cheeses, especially Parmesan, and living in Italy didn't make that any easier. to this day he is absolutely disgusted with cheese; can't stand the smell, and yes, you guessed right, especially Parmesan.

And finally, the twins. I guess, I felt like I knew a thing or two about pregnancy and babies by then and didn't worry much but made sure I ate well and took good care of myself. They are the most carefree of my kids. Yes, granted, later on in pregnancy after finding out they were twins I did have concerns but as I also had the very good support system of my husband, family, and friends it wasn't a big deal.

I know it is hard to be completely positive and upbeat especially while fighting morning sickness, cravings, varicose veins, inability to sleep,etc, but in spite of it all, I would urge you to try really hard. What we do and eat and feel during pregnancy affects our kids in so many ways for the rest of their lives. It becomes ingrained in them and they are helpless in trying to fight it off. Most of the time, we don't even know why we do certain things, or why we feel insecure, unloved, fretful, or whatever the limiting belief we might have-perhaps it could be something we picked up while in our mother's womb!?

Their characters

I also remember how I used to be super impatient to meet each one of them for the first time, get to know them, and their characters. I would sometimes lie awake at night and imagine what the baby would look like and be like.

It was always so fascinating to me to see their little quirks and characters showing up in the very first days of our lives together. It would be so adorable to see my oldest son fight with all his strength not to be swaddled but have legs, feet, arms and hands free, only then would he fall asleep. How my daughter always had a theatrical flair, even as a tiny little newborn. They are born with these character traits and it is wonderful to watch them develop and grow and mature into adults.

My oldest's first word was “self”; he refused to talk until he got it down perfectly. He also skipped the 'words' phase, breezing right into the sentence phase. Until then he would point to things and boss me around. But it showed up later on even from the age of two that he is a natural leader.

My daughter, on the other hand, would stand in the middle of the room and look at the nanny defiantly as she peed herself, showing her displeasure for her mommy not being there, even though she was fully potty trained by then. If I were to leave a room for a moment she would spin and theatrically say with a longing in her voice, "I will miss you!" waving at me. I would respond, "I am just going to the kitchen for a cup of water" and she would say matter-of-factly, "Oh, ok then!" and twirl herself back into the game she was playing.

The third son refused to pee on a potty! He would sit on it happily for hours and then when he needed to go he would stand up and pee all over the place until finally one day it dawned on me that he wanted to be 'big' and go pee like all the big boys-standing up! We never had a problem with potty training after that. I still fight with him about sitting vs. standing though!

And my twins are their own story! They're convinced that it's 'them two against the world'. When they were toddles they even had their own language that they would communicate in and then one of them would translate it for the rest of us. We've just had another one of those talks recently where I explained to them that we're all in this together as a family-not them two and then the rest of us. 

Every single child is as unique as he/she can be. Even with the twins, no matter how similar they are, they are so different at the same time. And as many of our genes as they do have, they're different from us, they see the world through their own eyes and live it on their own terms.

It is easy sometimes to forget that and to view them through our own understanding of the world and circumstances around us and that is when misunderstandings arise and we end up at odds with one another. If we could just try our best to relate to them and put their glasses on-see what they see and hear what they hear...

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