Random Remembrances on Parenting, Pregnancy, Children and What Influences Them

This is the birthday season in our home. All of my kids were born between the late February and mid-April. Fun, ha? I couldn't have planned it better myself. We start with the youngest kids' birthdays, then my middle son, then my only daughter and finally my oldest son. The exact opposite of their birth order! It's something I've been thankful for as it is always easier to explain to the oldest why he needs to wait for his birthday to be in the center of attention and it is so easy to say to the next oldest, “Hey, your birthday is coming up next! What do you want for your birthday?” Sometimes I feel like I am cheating!

Well, on our kids birthdays we like to reminisce and sort of tell cute, funny stories of their birth, babyhood, etc. It really makes me look back and relive all of it. I've been going over all my pregnancies in my head and one amazingly obvious point struck me! The state I was in when pregnant affected each child in a very deep and profound way both emotionally and physically.

My oldest was born when I was young and full of energy, running around and hardly even noticing the baby bump. He is hyperactive and a picky eater (just like I was with my 'morning' sickness that stretched throughout the whole day and sometimes throughout the night as well).

With my daughter I carelessly ate lots and lots of sweets-she has chronically altered food cravings, commonly known as a sweet tooth! At five months pregnant I almost lost her by overdoing it with my then toddler and carrying heavy things up and down the stairs all the time. I then stopped all activities, got a helper around the house, and did everything in my power to keep the pregnancy and the baby healthy to full term. I believe we developed a special bond during that time so that now we are very close.

The third pregnancy was riddled with challenges; placenta previa, early contractions, full bed rest. Even the birth was traumatic for him. Although he was my calmest and easiest baby, he was always very fretful and insecure, just like I felt when I had to go from doctor's office to doctor's office for all the different check ups and consultations. I had problems with sicknesses in the presence of cheeses, especially Parmesan, and living in Italy didn't make that any easier. to this day he is absolutely disgusted with cheese; can't stand the smell, and yes, you guessed right, especially Parmesan.

And finally, the twins. I guess, I felt like I knew a thing or two about pregnancy and babies by then and didn't worry much but made sure I ate well and took good care of myself. They are the most carefree of my kids. Yes, granted, later on in pregnancy after finding out they were twins I did have concerns but as I also had the very good support system of my husband, family, and friends it wasn't a big deal.

I know it is hard to be completely positive and upbeat especially while fighting morning sickness, cravings, varicose veins, inability to sleep,etc, but in spite of it all, I would urge you to try really hard. What we do and eat and feel during pregnancy affects our kids in so many ways for the rest of their lives. It becomes ingrained in them and they are helpless in trying to fight it off. Most of the time, we don't even know why we do certain things, or why we feel insecure, unloved, fretful, or whatever the limiting belief we might have-perhaps it could be something we picked up while in our mother's womb!?

Their characters

I also remember how I used to be super impatient to meet each one of them for the first time, get to know them, and their characters. I would sometimes lie awake at night and imagine what the baby would look like and be like.

It was always so fascinating to me to see their little quirks and characters showing up in the very first days of our lives together. It would be so adorable to see my oldest son fight with all his strength not to be swaddled but have legs, feet, arms and hands free, only then would he fall asleep. How my daughter always had a theatrical flair, even as a tiny little newborn. They are born with these character traits and it is wonderful to watch them develop and grow and mature into adults.

My oldest's first word was “self”; he refused to talk until he got it down perfectly. He also skipped the 'words' phase, breezing right into the sentence phase. Until then he would point to things and boss me around. But it showed up later on even from the age of two that he is a natural leader.

My daughter, on the other hand, would stand in the middle of the room and look at the nanny defiantly as she peed herself, showing her displeasure for her mommy not being there, even though she was fully potty trained by then. If I were to leave a room for a moment she would spin and theatrically say with a longing in her voice, "I will miss you!" waving at me. I would respond, "I am just going to the kitchen for a cup of water" and she would say matter-of-factly, "Oh, ok then!" and twirl herself back into the game she was playing.

The third son refused to pee on a potty! He would sit on it happily for hours and then when he needed to go he would stand up and pee all over the place until finally one day it dawned on me that he wanted to be 'big' and go pee like all the big boys-standing up! We never had a problem with potty training after that. I still fight with him about sitting vs. standing though!

And my twins are their own story! They're convinced that it's 'them two against the world'. When they were toddles they even had their own language that they would communicate in and then one of them would translate it for the rest of us. We've just had another one of those talks recently where I explained to them that we're all in this together as a family-not them two and then the rest of us. 

Every single child is as unique as he/she can be. Even with the twins, no matter how similar they are, they are so different at the same time. And as many of our genes as they do have, they're different from us, they see the world through their own eyes and live it on their own terms.

It is easy sometimes to forget that and to view them through our own understanding of the world and circumstances around us and that is when misunderstandings arise and we end up at odds with one another. If we could just try our best to relate to them and put their glasses on-see what they see and hear what they hear...

If you liked this head on over to the http://sandrasacademy.squarespace.com/ to grab your own FREE copy of the My Baby's Milestones checklist

Do you have any comments you'd like to share? Let us know in the comments section below. If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help to spread it by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook, join our FB group My Happy Baby. Thank you!

How To Develop Your Child's Love of Learning Without Nagging, Worry or Anxiety

Over the course of my parenting, I've heard many concerns from parents about developing their child's love of learning. Most were wondering whether it was even possible to instill such a thing, and if it was, how? Others wanted to know whether it was an inborn quality some lucky individuals were born with. When I've reflected on my own five kids, myself, and other children I've taught and worked with over the years, I've come to the conclusions I will enumerate for you below. But before I do, I've want to take a moment to express my personal conviction that children can be taught anything!-Even to love to learn. It's all in how we present it to them.

Child's Learning Style

It is important to find out your child's learning style before you start anything else. Delivering information in a manner geared to their learning style determines whether they find it fun, engaging, easy to absorbs and therefore develops their love of learning. You've probably heard of the three basic learning styles: visual, auditory and tactile. Within that there are, of course, also subcategories of social vs. solitary learners, etc. My five children are perfect examples of each, plus combinations of several! My oldest is definitely both a tactile and auditory learner. He loves to work alone. My daughter is a social-visual learner, my next son is an auditory wiggly worm (it is easier for him to be hanging upside down then to sit on a chair), and the twins, visual collaborators. Imagine our family activity nights!

Child's Interests

Another important secret to success is observing your child's interests and using those to teach and pass on information. Incorporate whatever they're interested in into every subject you can. This is the fun part as you get to be creative! Yoohoo! It's natural to pay attention to things that interest us. As a young child, my third son (even as a baby) had an obsession with cars, trucks and anything that had wheels and engines. If I wanted to get his attention I had to speak 'mechanics'. All our poetry, reading, math, etc. revolved around some sort of vehicle.

Feed Curiosity

When you detect their curiosity for something, do all in your power to encourage it, even if that particular thing is not your favorite or even grosses you out. Don't worry if you don't know much about it, as a matter of fact, it is so much funner when you discover it together! Don't hide your amazement and delight at your joint discoveries of things you didn't know about. If he/she takes interest in bugs look up videos of bugs! Learn about their babies, watch them in their natural environment, create a terrarium, feed them, watch them interact...Children are naturally curious, use it!

Make It Into a Game

'Games and playing' is an official job description for a child! Use that to teach them (climbing up the stairs we make sounds like a piano "do-re-mi", or use the steps to count by 1s, 2s, 5s etc.), make up rhymes for everyday things that you do most often (tooth brushing, hand washing, putting things away...), make-believe (imagine a kingdom and you are a king/queen,...), pretend-play (while putting our coats and shoes away let's see who is a superhero). Use your imagination while putting yourself on your child's level and imagining what would be fun for him/her.

Use Every Opportunity to Teach Something 

When you are at home and you see it raining outside tell him/her about why plants need rain, explain why we need sleep when you are helping them get ready for bed, when at the supermarket have a conversation about measures, healthy food, bulk shopping...

Rewards and Encouragement

Be generous with your praise and encouragement, the children thrive on it. You teach them by what you do, you also teach them by what you don't do, but you especially teach them by how you react to what they do! There's always something you can praise your child for in any assignment he/she undertakes. It tells them loud and clear, "I am capable! I do this right! Mommy, or Daddy, said so!"

Make Your Audience Want More

Be careful not to wear them out with any one activity or with learning one thing. You know how you can hardly wait for that next episode when the last one stopped on a cliff hanger? Be the director of a child's 'activity cliff hangers'! End it right before they've had enough, let them beg you for that math problem the next day, science project, or a home economics class. This will help them associate learning with excitement and the anticipation of fun and joy! Do, however, avoid any of these activities if your child is extra sensitive that particular day, for whatever reason-not enough sleep the night before, teething, not feeling well,etc. We all have days when we are not feeling as good as on other days, not pushing learning on them on those days will make for more agreeable and willing learners on the days when they are happy and will ensure that they do not feel that information is being forced on them.

Correcting the Mistakes without Correcting Mistakes 

This is a subtle way of correcting the child's mistake in their speech, writing, expressing, or anything else without them even realizing they've been corrected. Simply reinforce the right word, enunciation, etc by repeating it the correct way without drawing too much attention to the 'mistake'. Their self-esteem and the feelings of confidence are the most important! If they feel like they can't fail they'll try anything!

Let Him/Her Try It Him/Herself

The best learning is done when we try it by ourselves, whether it be writing, drawing, or a science experiment! Once we attempt it we get to see how easy or how hard it can be and what we could do differently to make it better. Help them succeed, especially if you see it is not going right for them. If they don't succeed they'll give up, and assume that that activity isn't any fun.

Extra Energetic Kids

My sons have always had high energy levels. Before I am able to get them to pay attention to anything, I have to have the do some vigorous exercises to get their heart rates going, blowing some of that pent up energy off and then they're easy as docile children with incredibly inquisitive minds.

Provide an Environment Conducive to Learning

It's important to get rid of distractions in order to do your 'learning fun and games' with them. If you have a TV on, several people in the next room talking or doing something else "fun", or a variety of toys strewn all over the floor, it's a safe bet your child will not be focusing on what you're trying to do/say. Create a space, and time when you can focus your attention on a project and enjoy it together.

Don't Allow Pointless Mind Wasters

There's been lots said lately about technology and how it draws children in. I believe every era has its pros and cons and that we should embrace technology. However, I also believe that leaving children with their electronic devices or encouraging them to use technology just to get them out of their parent's hair can be counterproductive and produce children uninterested in learning, doing activities (unless it's online games and TV shows). All interactions with technology should be targeted and very carefully chosen for the ages 0-5, with every year till 14 years of age adding a new feature. This way, they learn to use it to their educational benefit, and also for pleasure. My 14 year olds chose of their own free will not to hang out on social media. My 21 year old saw how much of her time was consumed on FB and stopped using it-instead she prefers to use her time to read.


I have tried to stick to the points above as much as I was possibly been able to over the years. Have I always got it right? No, not by far! Are my children life-long learners? I would like to think so! My oldest finds new areas of his interests and sticks with it until he masters the skill, then he is off to the new thing. My daughter is interested in psychology and how human brain works, I've only needed to direct her and she's off researching, learning, finding out new things daily. The third child has just now discovered cooking and loves it. He surprises us with new meals regularly. The twins are fascinated by coding, ethical hacking and all sorts of scientific experiments. I have to admit, I am enjoying learning alongside them more than I've ever enjoyed learning before!

If you liked this head on over to the http://sandrasacademy.squarespace.com/ to grab your own FREE copy of the My Baby's Milestones checklist

Do you have any comments you'd like to share? Let us know in the comments section below. If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help to spread it by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook, join our FB group My Happy Baby. Thank you!

Da li nesvjesno sabotirate osjećaj produktivnosti kod djeteta?

Treba li djecu učiti kućanske poslove? S koliko godina ih se može zamoliti za pomoć u kući? Što će naučiti ako počnu pomagati rano? Hoće li zamrziti kućanske poslove ako počnu rano pomagati? Što je sa igrom? Da li ih se sputava na taj način ipak su samo djeca?

Odgovor: djeca se žele osjećati korisnima, produktivnima i od pomoći. Ali kako im omogućiti da se tako osjećaju? Rad i sitni zadaci po kući će ih naučiti važne morale, pomoći im da se razviju kako treba, a kada ih još i pohvalite za dobro obavljen posao dobijaju osjećaj postignuća i samopouzdanja. Počinju da se osjećaju kao vrijedni članovi obitelji koji pridonose uređenosti i čistoći doma kojeg svi dijelite.

Kućni zadaci im pomažu da obogate način razmišljanja, poboljšava osjećaje moralnih vrijednosti, povećava njihovu samouvjerenost, te ih čini učinkovitijim planerima i pronalazačima rješenja. Zaposleno dijete je sretno dijete. To je jedan od načina da im se da prednosti u životu. 

Rad gradi karakter i daje vam mogućnost da vas dvoje (troje, ili više, ovisno o tome koliko djece imate) imate nešto za podijeliti (ili zajedničko). Uči ih vrijednost rada i dio je odrastanja u odgovorne, pouzdane odrasle osobe koji gradi djetetov osjećaj samopoštovanja.

Praktični savjeti:

Počnite rano. Trebali biste već početi sa godinu dana, potičući dijete da vam pomogne staviti svoje igračke u kutiju, po završetku igre. Koristite ohrabrenje i pohvale u izobilju za obavljeni posao.

Koristite zadatke primjerene dobi djeteta. Ne pretjerujte s poslovima izvan razine njihovih sposobnosti. Počnite sa osobnom higijenom (pranjem ruku, nogu, pranje zubića) i odlaganje igračaka nakon igre, stavljanjem jakne i cipela na dogovoreno mjesto. Zatim nadogradite sa sigurnim i jednostavnim poslovima kao što su postavljanje stola (s onim stvarima koje ne može polomiti!), brisanje prašine, metenje, pranje plastičnog posuđa, itd. Kako dijete raste lagano dodajte zahtjevnije poslove, opet, primjereno dobi djeteta.

Dugotrajan proces. Možda osjećate da bi bilo lakše i brže u ovom trenutku da napravite te poslove samI, ali mislite dugoročno. Mislite na vaše dijete, na osjećaj da je on/na doprinijela čistoći i urednosti doma. Razmislite o tome kako će se uspješno i lijepo osjećati nakon što je sve lijepo i čisto, a ona / on je pomogao da bude tako.

Omogućite im da postignu uspjeh u očekivanim kućnim zadacima. Spustite vješalice za jakne na njegovu/njenu razinu, postavite kutiju za igračke gdje dijete može dosegnuti, ne pokušavajte razvrstavati igračke, nego ih sve spremite u kutiju. Daleko je lakše na taj način pospremiti igračke nego ih se postrojiti na polici. Postavite četkicu i pastu za zube na razini na kojoj dijete može lako do njih, kupiti malu šamlicu da je dijete može koristiti kada treba dosegnuti stvari i sl.

Budite pozitivni! Budite pozitivni oko kućanskih poslova. Ako gunđate da ih morate raditi i dijete će gunđati i neće biti sretno da ih mora raditi.

Neka bude zabavno! Učinite kućanske poslove zabavnim. Dajte im zabavna, slatka imena. Plešite dok ih radite, pjevajte, napravite što više igrica uz njih. 

Budite strpljivi. Podučavanje djece kućanskim poslovima je proces koji se ne ostvaruje u jednom danu. No, također imajte na umu sve dobre stvari koje ih učite u tom procesu, stvari koje će im trajati cijeli život.

Radite uz njih. Prvi korak je da im objasnite i pokažete kako se radi taj kućanski poslić. Sljedeći korak je da radite na njemu zajedno neko vrijeme, a zatim im dopustite da ga sami naprave pod vašim nadzorom. Na kraju, pustite ih da ga odrade sami, čak i dok niste blizu. Ako dijete voli raditi kućanske poslove s vama, trebali biste pokušati i raditi ga zajedno što je duže moguće. Moji blizanci rade sve svoje poslove zajedno od prvog dana. Oni više vole da rade kao tim jer im daje osjećaj timskog rada i osjećaju se kao da nisu sami u tome. 

Nikada nemojte popravljati njegov završen rad pred djetetom. Ako iz nekog razloga dijete nije obavilo posao kako treba, pokažite mu opet kako ide. Ako još uvijek ne napravi kako treba, napravite ga zajedno s njim/njom. Ako i dalje ne može napraviti posao kako treba, počnite razmišljati o povratku na taj posao kasnije, kada je dijete starije. No, bez obzira na sve, nikada ga ne popravljajte pred njim / njom! To je najgori udarac za djetetovo samopoštovanje.

Nikad mu nemojte reći: "Neka, daj meni, ja ću!", I onda napraviti posao umjesto njega/nje. To uči dijete "Mama (ili tata) to radi bolje od mene, ja ne bih ni pokušao."

Napisati ili samo reći djetetu? Ovisno o djetetovom načinu učenja i metode obrade informacija, dati ćete usmene (za djecu koja uče lakše slušajući) instrukcije (ali ih ograničite na maksimalno dvije stvari ili će zaboraviti. Dječje misli su zauzete sanjarenjem i stvaranjem. Ne mogu pratiti i kućanske zadatke), ili pismene (za stariju djecu. ograničite na dva ili tri zadatka, ne višei), a ako su mlađi možete nacrtati zadatke. Osigurajte se da su jasni s jednostavnim uputama. Inzistirajte na dobro završenim poslovima.

Rad u timu. Ako vole raditi s drugima, dopustite im da rade zajedno. Sve je zabavnije u timu.

Molim, hvala ti! (ili da kažem učtivosti) Nemojte zaboraviti zamoliti ih da urade određeni posao i zahvaliti im se po završetku, čak i ako je to redoviti svakodnevni posao. Pohvalite ih za dobro obavljen posao. Nikada ih ne možete previše pohvaliti!

Znajte kada treba stati. Prestanite raditi dok im je još zabavno. Uzmite si savjet iz TV serija i knjiga; uvijek se zaustavite kad je najbolji dio!

Isti stari posao, jadan stari posao. Često mjenjajte poslove tako da djetetu ne dosadi.

Imajte razumijevanje za njihove druge obveze kad je dijete već starije. Imajte razumijevanje, ako se ona osjeća pod pritiskom u nekim više stresnim vremenima u svom / njegovom životu, kao što su sportske priredbe, recitali, ispite, itd

Uspoređivanje! Nikada ne uspoređujte jedno dijete sa drugim, pa čak ni sa bratom ili sestrom.

Podijelite! Podijelite zadatak u manje dijelove ako mu/joj se čini preveliki posao.

Usredotočite se na SAD! Izbjegavajte korištenje riječi kao što su nikad, uvijek, itd kad tražite od djeteta da radi kućanske poslove ili kad razgovarate o nezavršenim poslovima. Ne pomaže!

Najviše od svega, zabavite se i dopustite sebi da budete i blesavi s vremena na vrijeme. Napravite prioritete, uključite ih, stvorite topao, primamljiv dom za njih. 

Ako vam se svidio ovaj blog vidimo se preko na http://sandrasacademy.squarespace.com/ gdje možete dobiti svoj besplatni primjerak popisa prekretnica za vašu bebu.


Imate li bilo koji od roditeljskih savjeta koje biste željeli podijeliti sa nama? Javite nam u komentarima ispod. Ako ste uživali u ovom post-u, bila bih vam jako zahvalna ako biste pomogli drugima da čuju više o ovoj temi, slanjem prijateljima, ili da ga podijelite na Twitter-u ili Facebook-u, imamo i grupu na FB pridužite nam se na My Happy Baby. Hvala!

Are You Sabotaging Your Child's Feeling of Self-worth?

Should you require kids to do household chores? How old should they be before you ask them to help around the house? What will they learn if they start helping early? Will I burn them out if they start helping now? What about play time and just being kids?

Here is a kicker: kids WANT to feel useful, productive, and helpful. But how do you help them feel that way?

Work and chores help them learn, help them develop properly, and when praised for a job well done they end up feeling accomplished and dependable. They begin to feel like valuable members of the family who contribute to the orderliness and cleanliness of the home you all share.

It enriches their thinking powers, enhances moral values, increases their self-direction, and makes them more efficient planners and problem solvers. A busy child is a happy, better behaved child.

This is one way to give them a head start in life. Work builds character and it gives you something you two (or three, or more depending on how many kids you have) can share. Learning the value of work is part of growing up into a responsible, dependable adult which builds a child's self-worth.  

Practical tips:

Start early. You should start as early as one year old, encouraging the child to help you pick his/her toys up when he/she is done playing and put them in a box. Use abundant encouragement and praise for the job done.

Use age appropriate tasks. Don't overwhelm the child with jobs beyond their ability level. Start small with personal hygiene (washing hands, washing feet, brushing teeth), and putting away her/his toys, jacket and shoes, then build on it with safe and simple jobs like setting the table (with the unbreakables!), dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. As the child gets older add more demanding jobs, again, appropriate to his age.

Time consuming. You might feel it'd be easier and faster at this point in time for you to do it all by yourself, but think long term. Think your child's feeling that she/he contributed to the family's neat and orderly home. Think of how accomplished she/he'd feel after it is all nice and clean and she/he had helped to make it so.

Make expected clean ups possible for a child. Lower the boxes she/he needs to put her/his toys in and don't try to sort the toys. It is far easier to dump all the toys in one box than it is to line them up on a shelf. Bring the coat hanger to her/his level so she/he can hang her/his own coat, leave her/his toothbrush and toothpaste on a level where she/he can reach them easily, buy a small stool that he/she can use to reach for things, etc. 

Be positive! Be positive about chores and household work and clean ups. If you grumble, they'll grumble and not be happy about having to do it either.

Make it fun! Make doing chores fun. Give them fun, cute names. Play as many games as you can with them, make up songs to go along with the job.

Be patient. Teaching children chores is a process that isn't accomplished in a day. But also keep in mind all the good things you're teaching them for life. 

Work alongside them. First step is explaining and showing them the job. The next one is doing it alongside them for a while, and then allowing them to do it themselves with your supervision. Finally, allow them to do it on their own even while you are not around. If the child prefers to do the chore with you, you should try and do it together for as long as possible. My twin boys have been doing all their chores together from day one. They prefer to work as a team as it gives them a sense of teamwork and makes them feel like they are not alone in it.

Never EVER fix it in front of her/him. If for some reason the child did the job poorly, show her/him the right way to do it again. If she/he still cannot do it right, do it with her/him to help her/him. If she/he still cannot get it done right, then you should consider coming back to that particular job later when she/he is older. But whatever the case, never fix it in front of her/him! It hits her/him where it hurts most: their self-esteem. 

Never EVER tell him “Here, let me do it!” and do it for her/him. That teaches her/him "Mom (or dad) does it better, I shouldn't even try."

Write it, or tell it? Depending on your child's learning style and information processing method, give either verbal (for auditory kids) instruction (limit to maximum two things at a time or they will forget it. Children’s minds are busy dreaming and creating. They can't keep track of all the assignments), or written (for older kids. Again, limit it to two or three assignments, not more so as not to overwhelm them), and if they're younger you can draw the assignments. Make them clear with simple instructions. Insist on doing the jobs right.

Working in a team. If they prefer to work with others, allow them. Everything is more fun in a team.

Please? Thank you! Ask for chores with a please and thank him/her for finishing it even if it is a regular everyday job. Praise them for a job well done. You can never give too much praise!

Know when to stop. Stop work while it's fun. Take a cue from TV series and books; cliffhangers are effective!

Same old, lame old. Switch chores often so he/she doesn't get bored.

Focus on the NOW! Avoid using words such as never, always, etc when asking the child to do chores, or referring to chores not done. It is very defeating and it doesn't help!

Be understanding of the other obligations in an older child's life. Have understanding if he/she feels overwhelmed at certain more stressful times in her/his life, such as sports events, recitals, exams, etc.

Comparing! Never EVER compare one child to another child even his/her sibling.

Portion it! Break the job into small manageable portions if it seems overwhelming to him/her and difficult to manage at first.

Most of all, have fun and allow yourself to be goofy at times, as well. Prioritize, involve them, create a warm, inviting home for them. 

If you liked this head on over to the http://sandrasacademy.squarespace.com/ to grab your own FREE copy of the My Baby's Milestones checklist

Do you have any comments on chores and children you'd like to share? Let us know in the comments section below. If you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook, join our FB group My Happy Baby. Thank you!