How can asking for help make your life easier

It is early Sunday morning. I sit in my favorite chair and thoughtfully sip my tea (chai). Thoughts of all that needs to be done today swirl in my head, but one question persistently keeps popping up, "Why? Why do moms shy away from the help they can get?" I crack open my laptop and decide to tell it as it is, no beautifying anything, just saying it as it is!

I have made my share of mistakes and I do have regrets. There are certain things I wish I hadn't done and others I wish I had. Here are my top 7 tips for you not to make the same mistakes:

1. You are a mother and that means, you are superhuman!
You can multitask, open bottles with one hand, serve yourself food and eat with a baby on your hip. Sort, wash, and fold laundry while cooking and feeding the baby. You can cook three meals at once and feed the dog at the same time. You answer the phone, the door and messages while putting the baby to sleep, and doing dishes...

You need to have pedagogy, psychology, pediatrics, and first aid degrees, besides the talents such as negotiating skills, diplomacy, tactfulness and a state of permanent joy, excitement, tolerance and patience. I know, I've done it all, homeschooling while starting a business, and writing a book, raising kids on my own and earning an income. Pregnant and sick most of the day while running around after my hyperactive children. 

2. You are a mother and you need to take care of yourself.
If you don't take the time for that moment to yourself, you won't last much longer. If you don't eat and shower you will feel easily agitated and grumpy. Sleep is not overrated, but a necessity for a mom (you will not be forgetting so many things if you get proper rest). Time away from the kids is a must (make sure whoever takes over during your time off knows what is expected of him/her). The best suggestion is, if you can afford it, one hour daily and half to a full day weekly. If you can't afford it, even one hour daily helps a lot. But, please, make sure the kids are not left unattended during that time. Hanging out with friends, going to the movie theater, or just going out for a coffee are necessities (again, in your times off and while someone trustworthy is with the children). I know I needed time off, I had good fortune of very good friends that took care of my kids while I took a day off and then we would switch, with me taking care of their kids while they had a day off. Believe it or not, I mostly slept through the entire day. I guess, I needed it!

3. You need to ask for help, you are not meant to do this alone. No mom is an island! I have asked seasoned veteran moms advice all the time. Sometimes I would feel so embarrassed and sometimes so stupid for asking and bugging them, but I knew that learning from them would give me much needed advice and I'd gain confidence in my parenting skills. I figured, if they could raise 5, 6 or more kids they must know a thing or two.

4. If your child has disabilities, it is not a bad reflection of you!
I have struggled with my ADHD son for so long till I admitted to myself that he has some 'issue', and then I went on a hunt for the answers. He struggled to read (and caused me immeasurable frustration) till I found out that he is dyslexic. My daughter has information processing disorder. Do you know how I found out? Yes, research, research, research! I have been hungrily devouring book upon a book till I found out what it is and then more books to learn how to deal with it and teach her how to make it into her strength. The hardest was the step to admitting to myself that there is something blocking the progress (sometimes even worrying silently that they are not smart enough, but not daring to say it out loud). There is a freedom in admitting and going about looking for solutions. 

5. If you are doing something wrong in your parenting, doesn't mean you are a failure!

Actually, all it means is that you are not perfect and that you have things to learn. Shocking, isn't it? 

I know I felt horrible when I lost my temper and yelled at the kids, or when I would get an "instruction" from a total stranger on the street of what I was doing wrong with my kids. I felt miserable when I saw my friend's kids being "perfect little angels" while my son ran wildly about. 

6. If your child is a handful, don't ignore it, do something about it!

We all need help, there are so many things we don't know and need to learn. Don't learn from your mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others. Some moms told me they would figure it out as they go, they don't seem to realize the time wasted will never come back again, the mistakes made will not be unmade. Learn and teach them while you can! They grow up way too fast for us to learn as we go! I wish I could turn the clock and go back and undo some things, but I can't! What is done is done, now that they are all grown up.

7. You are not perfect and you cannot do it all! 

Or maybe you can for a short time before you burn out and get sick.

Early on in my parenting I decided I have two hands and two feet, the day has 24 hours and there is only so much that can be done. I put large emphasis on education, creativity, and learning for my kids, so, for me, it was more important to do projects, experiments, reading than dishes and laundry. They are malleable, and easy to teach just for so long, use it to the uttermost. Trust me, you cannot do it all, but you can prioritize!

I have been a mother for 23 years, I am a mother of 5 and have worked with kids for about 25 years now. My main desire is to help other moms, encourage, show the way, the same as I was shown when I needed help and advice, take the sting out of parenting and help you learn from my mistakes and regrets I have. I love children and I love teaching, and I know parenting doesn't need to be tough and difficult (it has its shares of tough moments, I am talking here in general). More on this you can see at: https://sandrasacademy.thinkific.com

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